I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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