the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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