I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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