I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
