I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
