My balls are so social today.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize