he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
