Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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