So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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