i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
