Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
