She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
