I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
