I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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