i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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