Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
