You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
