party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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