woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His nipple licking is glorious
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