there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
