I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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