this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
