so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
