I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
