found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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