so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
