i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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