Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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