Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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