ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
