Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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