My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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