Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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