did you get engaged???
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
