True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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