I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
