Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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