Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
