so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have aggressive nipples.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize