I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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