In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
