There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
