Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
