I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
