The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
