Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
