seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
