What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
