I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
