dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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