The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
