She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
