He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
