Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
