the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
