you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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