I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
