UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
