i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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