For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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