she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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