Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
im on a boat
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