wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
