i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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