guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
