we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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