dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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