My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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