Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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