How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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