bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
