So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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