ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
