I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
